We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
