I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
