It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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