I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
