I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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