I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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