my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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