College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
