I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
