i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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