Someone shit on the floor
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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