More tranny stories later!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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