so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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