Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.