you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂