Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.