Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
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Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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