Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
