Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
