Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
