lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
