walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
