a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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