did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
