I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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