My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch