I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Four minutes until I can fart!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...