I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas