There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize