My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
