im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This baby is an asshole
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
