so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
