I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can't turn off my feet"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
