I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
