Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
