btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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