Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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