OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
