I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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