Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
