Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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