Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
