when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
