this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
