I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
