the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
