Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im holly from the hills drunk
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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