Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it