Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol