I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
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I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.