Jerry, you need to find god
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
