Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
