he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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