Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
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dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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