Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
