That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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