nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
