Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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