What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize