just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
