guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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