apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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