I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
