The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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