I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
