Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
