wrigley field is MILF paradise
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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