I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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