Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A+ Viking dick
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
