i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
