Yo dont text me then not text me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
it was like eating out sand paper
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
